True Peace & Solitude, Interrupted

In the spirit of being 100% honest and revealing the good, the bad, and the ugly in this blog, I feel it would be remiss for me to not share an experience that happened to me that, unfortunately, marred my peaceful and serene experience.  

It is hard to write about because I don’t want to scare people, especially my family, or to turn people off from travel – because travel is wonderful! – but it is a lesson in safety, and adjusting your natural persona to at least try to blend in a little more with the local culture.  

I am a bubbly, friendly, nice, kind person.  And I laugh.  A LOT.  And my laugh is gregarious.  It can be a bit loud.  I forget that sometimes, because it is just me, but some people in my travels have commented on it.  Most say it is a great laugh, but that it is a bit loud.  I forget.  I am just genuinely happy and that is how I express my joy sometimes.  I love being around new people and I am usually exuberant, joyful, and outgoing.  I have found that I need to rein that in here in Sri Lanka, and most likely also in India when I go back alone in a few weeks.  It has come to my attention that even just a smile will make a man here think that you are interested.  Let alone a laugh or a little bit of conversation.  I am smiling, laughing, and talking all the time.  It has taken me a few uncomfortable days to realize I need to adjust my approach out in the world while I am here.  After speaking with some local women about my concerns, they have advised me to never smile at a man, and instead to be cold – in fact, rude, and try to minimize conversation, or really just say nothing at all.  Definitely don’t laugh.  Apparently, these traits will all be seen by local men as an invitation to engage.  So I am trying to be less me, and more unapproachable. 

So the story goes —> My Tuk Tuk driver who picked me up from the train to take me to my Zen Den in the tea plantation apparently mistook my friendliness as an invitation, and later that day, proceeded to send me incessant messages about how he wanted to come over, for sex.  I of course said no, and left it at that.  I was short, and rude.  But he would not stop texting me so I called the owner of my Airbnb who was shocked and embarrassed and took care of the situation.  It was then that she advised me on how to interact with men here in the future.  She certainly wasn’t blaming me; she was appalled by his behavior, but she did explain that it was different here.  

Again, I share this story not to scare anyone, but simply to be transparent.  It was a lesson in cultural norms and expectations that I have not encountered yet.  I don’t enjoy it, and I hope not to encounter it again, but I am not going to stop traveling because of it.  I will most certainly be wiser, and more aware of my actions, and hopefully that will help with my enjoyment of these two countries.  Because I do believe in my heart that they have a lot to offer.  So much more than these unfortunate side incidences, which I now feel better equipped to handle; and hopefully anyone reading this will too.  

“With age, comes wisdom. With travel, comes understanding.” — Sandra Lake