True Grit

I am just coming down from a natural high, but also a literal high of 12,224 ft (3,726 meters) after climbing Mount Rinjani, the second highest volcano in Indonesia.  

What a freakin’ adventure!  I decided to do this trek after I saw an Instagram post from one of my friends.  It looked so beautiful and serene, and I was immediately drawn to it.  I grew up camping and hiking so this looked right up my alley.  When I contacted my friend for her recommendation on which guide to book, she gave me fair warning that this trek was HARD.  Like, really hard.  That gave me pause, for a minute, but I reasoned that I was in very good shape (having practiced yoga and barre for 20 years and 16 years, respectively).  Plus, I have ran a few half marathons in the past 8 years.  Granted, I haven’t really ran at all, or done any kind of cardio for the past 2-3 years, but I still felt fit and I have been doing some hiking and trekking out here in other countries, so I decided to sign up.

This 3-day, 2-night trek takes you to the crater rim on the first day – your easy day – about a 5-hour hike up to base camp at an elevation of about 2,000 meters or so.  I did okay in the beginning, but quickly fell to the back as the climb got steeper and steeper.  I was prepared for this.  I am ALWAYS the oldest person everywhere I go.  I usually blend in quite well, and people generally guess that I am in my mid-30’s instead of my mid-40’s, but the fact is, I am 45 years old….not 25 years old.  My group, that I will lovingly refer to as Team Budi (our guide’s name) henceforth, ranged in age from 23 to me.  There were 8 of us:  5 in their 20’s, one who was 30, one who was 35, and me.  I knew that I wouldn’t be able to keep up on the upward climbs, and I was right.  It wasn’t my legs, arms or any other body part – they are strong from years of barre and yoga.  But my heart just couldn’t keep up.  Breathing at those higher elevations is challenging with any aged heart, and that is what kept me in the back.  I had to stop to catch my breath much more frequently than everyone else.  But I pushed on, and although I was the last one to the top of the crater rim on that first day, I did make it (and not too far behind — maybe 20 minutes behind everyone else)?

At this point, we stay and camp on the rim.  I was a bit concerned for the next day as that was supposed to be the BIG, LONG, SCARY day, but I tried not to show it, and my team was so supportive of me.  All of us formed a bond immediately, and they were just so damn cute:  high-fiving me, cheering me on, and congratulating me at the top.  It’s hard to explain how you can form such a close, tight-knit bond so quickly, but when you are in those kinds of challenging conditions and you are all sharing the same misery (and pride!), the closeness comes on quickly.  We laughed, and joked, and complained, and confided that we were all a bit scared for the next day.  

Fast forward to our 2:00am wake up call to depart for the summit at 2:30am.  Hiking up the hardest part of the volcano in the dark, in near freezing temperatures.  I don’t know if i will ever be able to adequately describe this experience to anyone (another reason why that team bond is so strong – we lived it together).  As I mentioned, I have ran at least 6-8 half marathons, and I thought those required the maximum amount of mental strength that I carried within me.  I was wrong.  This required Hercules-like mental strength.  It was an estimated 3 hours to the summit to arrive in time for sunrise.  At a normal walking pace.  I loved it when they described it like that.  Like you’re just taking a stroll up to the top.  No biggie.  LOL.  

I knew it would take me longer and my goal was to just get there…I’ve seen enough sunrises in my lifetime  😉.  It’s pretty much straight up the entire way, but holy shit, that last hour was BRUTAL.  It is like a vertical wall of loose rocks, gravel, stone, and sand where you take 3 steps forward, and inevitably, due to gravity, you also take 2 steps back.  SO FRUSTRATING.  And you are so exhausted.  But you are SO CLOSE.  How can you stop now?  At the very end, I was placing my walking pole into the ground, taking two very small steps, and then pausing to breathe.  That was the routine:  Place the pole – take 2 steps – breathe – repeat.  I felt like I did that forever.  I could see the sun beginning to rise, but again, I didn’t care, I just wanted to get there.  Then, out of the blue, there was a hand outstretched in front of me.  It was Budi, our guide.  I happily grabbed his hand and he literally pulled me up the last 100 feet (at a much faster pace) so that I wouldn’t miss the sunrise.  I was never so happy to take someone’s hand in my life.  I would have made it without him, but not in time for the sunrise, and once I got there, my entire team was there cheering me on and congratulating me.  It actually brought me to tears, but I quickly changed into my sunglasses so nobody could see.  I made it!  I felt like I was going to die and I wanted to lay down and take a nap, but I made it.  And it was beautiful.  And it felt so good to be there with all of these new friends that felt like family.  There was a lot of love in the air, and it was a really special moment.

But that is just the first one-third of the day.  It’s only 7:00am at this point!  There is so much more to go!  Now I have to go back down this massive, slippery, rocky incline.  Down sounds easier, and it is, but not on your knees, or your butt, because you will slip and fall down multiple times.  Since the rest of my team had been freezing at the summit waiting for sunrise for so long, they all left quickly after I arrived.  I wasn’t ready, needing at least a tiny break, so I did the journey back down on my own (with Budi always a little bit ahead or a little bit behind me).  It gave me a lot of time to think, and quite honestly, I was thinking that I was done.  The whole thing was so taxing, not only on my body, but also on my mind; and I didn’t think that I had the rest of the day in me.  There were still two more 3-hour hikes ahead of us!  One downhill to the crater lake and hot springs, and then back up the other side of the range to our next camp site.  Not to mention going back down the next day…another 6-hour trek through the jungle.  My mind was tired, and my body kept falling down, and I had pretty much decided to just go home and say goodbye to the team once we reunited for breakfast back at camp.  When I got there, my team was waiting, cheering me on once again.  I was embarrassed that I was thinking about leaving, but I didn’t want to slow them down.  They deserved to have a nice trip without some old lady ruining it for them with her slowness.  As we were all eating breakfast, I finally got up the courage to tell them what I was thinking.  Their immediate reaction:  “You can’t go!  It won’t be Team Budi without you now!”  Their support and encouragement was contagious, so I decided to forge ahead; also mentioning that I might be cursing all of their names at some point later in the day😉.

Long story short, I made it the whole way.  And although it was still hard (gruelingly hard on that third hike up to our second base camp), it somehow felt a little easier too because I knew everyone was cheering me on and rooting for me.  It feels so amazing to know you have that love and support and it made me want to try harder and push myself further.  I was still the last one to the top, but I made it.  And I made it in time for sunset (once more, with a little push from our favorite guide, Budi).  As we were approaching the top of our last ascent, he said to me, “I’m so proud of you, Robyn.”  It almost made me cry again…

It is now 3 days post-hike and I still cannot walk like a normal human being.  My legs are so sore, I just sort of hobble around.  And there are blisters all over my feet and toes.  Was it worth it?  I asked myself that multiple times mid-way to the summit and again, as we were climbing up to base camp 2.  I wasn’t so sure of my answer then, but I now know for sure that HELL YES it was worth it.  It was definitely worth it.  I feel so strong and so proud and know that I can do anything now.  And I know what it feels like to have the love and support of people who just 5 days ago were complete strangers, and now, are like family.  That makes it worth it too.  We will always have that bond, and that is not something you get to experience very often in this lifetime.  Team Budi forever!!!  I love you guys!!!❤️❤️❤️

I am learning so much on this journey, and although I am learning so much about myself and what I can handle as an individual, the most amazing thing that I learn and experience with each new day and every new adventure is how incredibly amazing and kind people can be. I have so much faith in humanity out here.  It warms my heart and inspires me to be a better person everyday.  

Was it worth it?  Definitely.  Sore legs and all.