On The Road Again

Well…Here I am……Again.  Part 2 of my journey and what some of my friends have playfully termed, “RoRo in Asia 2.0.”  Am I excited?  Yes.  Am I scared?  Yes.  I’ve been here in Taiwan for a week now and although I have truly been quite busy, I feel like I have been subconsciously putting off this post for a while now.  It’s a hard one to write.  I have been racked with new, and unfamiliar emotions since I have arrived.  Although I am still excited for new adventures and filled with wonder at what and who I will meet, there has been a weight on my shoulders already that I can’t seem to shake off…

At first I thought it was jet lag.  And yes, I did experience the first real jet lag of my life.  It was not fun.  I had no desire to even try to get on the correct timetable here.  This was a surprise to me. After 7 months of continuous and successful travel prior to my visit home, I thought that I would jump back in like nothing had changed.  Instead, it was a bit like I had forgotten everything.  I hadn’t, of course, but it felt different.  And I felt different.  The first day in Taipei I was afraid to leave my hotel.  Truly.  That sounds as weird for me to write as it probably does for you to hear.  I have no idea why.  I got over it, of course, and by the way, Taipei is a lovely and super safe city, but I am still wondering where that came from and why?

I was worried before I left the US that this trip would feel different.  The first one was so perfect, and because of that, I came into this trip with more trepidation than I did the first one where I really just said, “Fuck it,” and threw caution to the wind.  But the stakes are higher now.  It’s do or die time.  Am I going to make this work?  Or am I going to fail?  These are truly the thoughts that consume my days.  I’m working so hard to let that go, and to let all of my fears go, but as everyone knows all too well, that is so much easier said than done.  

So I am pushing forward, each day encountering new obstacles and wondering where these obstacles were the first time around?  

Obstacle #1: Communication. Not a lot of people speak English here.  That is new.  It makes it harder.  I am so tired when I go to bed each night, and I think it’s just from trying to take it all in.  There is so much to learn and you are taking so much in each day….It is amazing how exhausting it can be!

Obstacle #2: Health Problems. I picked up a serious case of plantar fasciitis at the end of my last trip from not wearing the most supportive shoes and doing a lot of walking and I am paying the price now.  I still have to do a lot of walking, and although I brought better shoes with me this time, the pain is real and it has been debilitating to the point that it has significantly slowed me down and reminds me of my age.  I still don’t feel old, but my body is beginning to speak up and all I can do is listen.  

Obstacle #3: Money. Of course I worried about it the first time around too, but as I said, it’s do or die time.  It’s not going to last forever.  Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder if I’m going to keep the dream alive.

So that is where I am at.  It’s difficult to admit to the world, but I promised the good, the bad, and the ugly when I signed up for this blog.  And as awesome and fun as traveling for transformation is, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows.  It’s been one week.  Only one week and it feels like at least a month.  I am trying to give myself some grace.  One week is not a lot of time, and this is just the beginning.  I do believe in myself and my dreams, and I just have to keep telling myself that.

“You have to dream before your dreams can come true.” — A.P.J. Abdul Kalam.