Hello…Nice To Meet You.

So I know that many of you are wondering where my relationship ends with Sri Lanka.  It has been rocky.  And tumultuous.  It’s been an adventure.  A struggle.  And a love affair.  

In short, I am leaving Sri Lanka mostly loving it.  There are some things I don’t like:  It is expensive (for a backpacker).  It takes an adjustment period.  It is a bit of a labor of love.  But I do love it.  There is something magical here…I’m still figuring out how to put my finger on it, but it is here.  I can definitely feel it.  

I liked it so much that once I got over my initial culture shock, I cancelled my flight to India and extended my trip by two weeks so that I was here right up until the day my visa expired – one month.  It’s really not that long.  But I have been finding that you need at least 30 days to really experience a country.  And this is a small one!  Time is funny like that.  It’s never enough.  And it goes so fast.  I try so hard out here to cherish and to be in every moment as much as I can…I never really did that back home, but I am acutely aware of it out here.  I can’t believe how many times a day I take a real breath and just look around me in awe.  Or how I can just sit on a beach and stare at the ocean for hours and never get bored.  It is spell-binding…

Sri Lanka was supposed to be a stop-over place before I went back to India to do my real trekking and exploring.  I looked at a map, and was like – “Oh, cool.  This place is small and nearby…I can be in and out in two and half weeks.”  NO.  You actually cannot.  Somehow, this place will keep pulling you back in.  

Once you get past the hustle and bustle of the big cities, and dig a little deeper, you begin to see a culture and people that are so kind and hard-working and genuine.  This is why time is so important.  I settled into the mountain town of Ella, and finally started to feel my groove.  It was so lovely, and Sri Lanka has an absolutely beautiful scenic landscape…it is breathtaking.  Then I arrived down south at the beaches, and I was right back in my happy place.  :).  But it was more than that…

My first truly happy day was on Dikwella beach.  It was idyllic and perfect.  The water was crystal clear, the temperature was perfect, the waves were just right, the beach was sparsely populated, and the free sunbeds and cheap food and drinks were on point. 

And then I met someone.  An extremely handsome Sri Lankan man who made me feel again.

To be clear, this is not why I love Sri Lanka.  But it has been a long time since I felt a pitter patter in my heart.  I thought maybe it was dead.  And I was fine with that.  I have not been on this journey looking for love.  In fact, I tell everyone that I just want to be alone, and I am 100% happy that way.  Relationships are messy, and I am not in the mood anymore.  But damn this guy….he made me feel again.  And I didn’t want to.  But it was also nice.  I forgot what it felt like to feel your heart skip a beat when someone walks into the room.  I forgot what it felt like to really connect with someone on a romantic and emotional level.  It was short and sweet, but it left a mark.  And it reminded me that I am capable of loving again.  I wasn’t so sure before.  I’m still not looking for a relationship…that just sounds crazy.  But it was so nice just to feel again.  

And I guess that is what Sri Lanka has done for me…brought my cold, dead heart back to life.  Although this relationship was short, it may have been one of the most mature relationships that I have ever had.  Even the way that we said goodbye.  It was so real.  There was no game-playing, no ghosting, no stalking, no obsessing…it was just lovely.  It was exactly the way that it was supposed to be.  No more, and no less.  And although I am sad to say goodbye (both to him and Sri Lanka), I am grateful for everything that I learned here.  Not only about the country, but also about me and who I am becoming.  Yes, at 46 years old, I am still coming into myself.  And I finally feel like I am becoming my best self and it fills me with pride and joy.  It’s such a powerful feeling to feel like you finally know who you are and what you want, and to not deny it to anyone; most of all yourself.  

I shed a tear or two tonight as I said goodbye, but I also said hello.  Hello to me.  Nice to meet you.  It’s about time you showed up to the party…