The Art of Letting Go

I love writing my blog.  I really do.  But sometimes I put off the posts because it means the end of something really great.  I have been thinking about this post and what it means to me for a while now, and yep, here they come…As I suspected, I cannot get through even the first four sentences without tears……

As I write this, I am still here in Rishikesh, where I just completed my 200-hour yoga teacher training, and I have to admit that I’m a bit scared to leave this peaceful bubble.  It does feel like home now.  And I have to admit that I have liked the routine and the structure of the course.  Why does the brain thrive on that so much?  Sameness, staleness, repetition. Why is change, surprise, and not knowing so scary?  I can understand now why nuns, priests, and monks all live in their own little monasteries and don’t really venture out into the real world.  It’s scary out there with so many distractions, temptations, and desires. No wonder we all struggle so much.  But I digress…

Midway through the course I was walking back to my room when I thought to myself, “This is probably the single most important thing that I have ever done in my entire life.”  It has been everything that I thought it would be and so much more.  The things that I have learned, the people that I have met, the city of Rishikesh that I have been able to fully immerse myself into, and the country of India as a whole has left me speechless, but I am going to do my best to try to describe it anyway……

I came here for many reasons:  To deepen my personal yoga practice, to become a yoga teacher, and to learn more about myself.  I knew that Rishikesh was the yoga capital of the world, and I had heard of its spiritual and healing powers so this fit right into my soul-searching travel journey.  There are hundreds (thousands?) of yoga schools here, so I have no idea how I ended up at mine – The Rishikesh Ashtanga Yoga School – but I am so eternally grateful that I did.

First off, allow me to begin with the instructors.  I have never been so spellbound by any other instructors in my life.  Of course, the teachers at this school live and breathe yoga day in and day out, but it is so much more than that.  They are living the true yogi lifestyle and you can practically feel their yogi wisdom and strength emanating right off their bodies.  I wanted to drink in every word that they were saying; and quite honestly, I just wanted to be them.  They seemed so grounded, so calm, so wise, and so confident.  And not only did they make the physical poses look easy and effortless, but they explained extremely difficult topics in such a simple way that I was often asking myself, “how did he/she just do that?”  I often told my yogi counterparts that I felt like the teachers were talking directly to me.  It felt like they knew me and were answering all the questions that I have buried deep down inside of me without me ever even opening my mouth to ask about it.  It felt like everything was clicking and making sense like it never did before.  Kudos to these instructors who were able to bring yoga philosophy, anatomy, meditation, alignment and more into our lives on a more personal level so that we could now contemplate our “swadharma,” or our purpose, and then tie it all together to help us lead better, more fulfilling lives overall.

Secondly, I must give a shout out to the other students.  My new yoga family.  One-week retreats are great, and you can certainly build friendships and close bonds in that amount of time, but put 15 strangers in a small yoga studio for 24 days/8 hours a day and the bonds are going to be bigger.  And stronger.  And you are going to get to watch each other grow.  And learn.  And take those first few baby steps towards a new life.  It really is like watching a baby learn how to walk for the first time.  Most of us were leaving some personal traumas and/or life challenges behind.  We were freeing our bird cages and letting go.  One day at a time.  One meditation at a time.  One asana at a time.  One breath at a time.  And we were there to catch each other and support each other, and to laugh and cry with each other every step of the way.  It really is such a beautiful thing to witness….all the love and support that humans are capable of.  It opened my heart in a way that I wasn’t expecting and made me want to live my life differently.

As most of you know, I started this journey 15 months ago looking for a change, and hoping to “find myself,” and while I certainly have taken steps toward that and have learned so much along the way, this particular chapter in my book really elevated exactly what is happening deep down in those dark places that we don’t like to talk about out loud.  I eventually did talk about it out loud, finally, albeit a bit cautiously and still with so many walls solidly built up around me; but a few bricks fell down and a bunch of stones crumbled, and the light on the other side shone through a bit brighter than it ever has before.  And I felt lighter.  And had more clarity.  And finally felt more at peace.

So what did I learn here?  So much.  But most importantly, I learned that I have many gifts and that one of them is providing a space for others to open up and feel comfortable.  My old boss always called me a chameleon and said that I could blend into any group or situation and make everyone feel comfortable, but it is more than that.  I am also able to inspire.  Early on in our course, one of our lead teachers told me that I was an inspiration to him.  He didn’t explain and I didn’t ask him why or how I inspired him because it was unfathomable to me that this yogi guru could be inspired by anyone, let alone me.  I’m still not entirely sure what he meant, but I do know that it fills my cup to be an inspiration.  I want to inspire people everyday; and be inspired in return. I want to help people and I want everyone to live their most authentic lives, whatever that may look like, because we all deserve it.  This life we have been blessed with is such a gift.  It is not always easy to navigate because life itself gets in the way, but I am trying my hardest, and I intend to never give up.  Because once you begin to feel and understand your inner “swadharma,” (and I can tell you this from experience) things will begin to flow to you so easily that you won’t even believe it because it is so seamless and so beautiful.  And that is how life should be.

I also learned that I need to be patient, go slow, and keep practicing.  Yoga (and life) is all about the journey, not the destination.  Trust the process.  Trust your gut.  And just breathe.  I am sad to leave everyone and say goodbye, but it really isn’t goodbye, is it?  It’s more of a Hello.  Hello to this new life ahead of me.  Of course, I have to say goodbye and let go to move forward, but isn’t that what this whole course was about?  Letting go, freeing the birds from your cage, having self-awareness, being deliberate with your thoughts and everything that you do; but ultimately, letting it all go.

It was such a gift to be here.  I will cherish this experience, and this place, and keep it with me everywhere I go.  This yogic journey, and these people, don’t get to fly out of the cage.  They are staying with me; close to my heart, always.  ❤️